Re-thinking Work-Life Balance

Work-life balance is a continuous problem that many of us struggle with starting from Day 1 in the work force. Dozens of books and articles have been written on this topic, and it is one of the top reasons for workplace dissatisfaction. Part of the problem stems from the fact that work and life are not balanced to begin with. The average full-time worker spends at least 8 hours a day, or the majority of their waking hours, at work. This leaves just a few precious hours after work each evening to dedicate to "life", which usually means spending time with family and friends, or pursuing non-work related hobbies or tasks.

So when we refer to work-life "balance", we are not really referring to balance in the literal sense; the see-saw is always tipped towards work simply based on the structure of the workplace which we are accustomed to. More so, we are referring to the extent to which we can "protect" our non-work time from the demands of the workplace. A common strategy is to develop a very thick barrier between work and life. Many people, as much as the nature of their work allows, make a point of disconnecting themselves completely from work as soon as they exit the building at 5 pm every afternoon, turning their full attention to family, friends, and any non-work activities planned for that evening. Something similar happens during the weekends. It is almost as if there are two switches in the brain, one for work and one for non-work, which are designed to be on one at a time, but never both at the same time.

While this approach has its advantages, especially from the perspective of ensuring that work does not take over your life, it may also be a source of inefficiency. For instance, putting work (which can often be difficult or frustrating) into a distinctly separated bucket from personal life (often relaxing and pleasant) may only aggravate any dislike you have for your job. It results in your mind having to unnecessarily toggle between two "modes": At 5 pm, your mind and body relax as you happily anticipate an evening at home. The next day when your alarm wakes you up at 7 am, your mind is forced to switch back to work mode, your body tenses, and you unwillingly pull yourself up and head out the door. This mindset exaggerates the excitement we feel on a Friday afternoon, but it is also the reason for the "Sunday blues", when we reluctantly switch our minds back to the issues and problems we left off with last week. Work may seem more burdensome than it actually is and something you have to "put up with". This decreases your proactivity and enthusiasm for work, making it even less enjoyable.

Consider an alternate way of handling the work-life balance issue, where instead of having that hard brick wall between work and personal life, we allow work to penetrate our lives naturally. I'm not saying that you should be checking your email during a fun night out with friends, or talking on the phone with your boss during your kid's soccer game. This is more about accepting work as an integral part of your life and who you are, as opposed to something you need to "get out of the way" before you can get on with your "real life". Of course, this is much easier said than done, but there are a few simple things you can do to help yourself embrace your work and let it in to your life.

1. Talk about what you do, to whatever extent possible. Obviously, you shouldn't be giving away proprietary information about your job or company, but you should be able to talk easily about your job to your friends, family, and even strangers as if you were chatting about any other subject. Often, we have trouble communicating or coming up with ideas at work because we haven't fully immersed ourselves in the content enough to be able to speak fluently on the subject. Imagine talking to a friend about a cute guy you just met, or about the amazing concert you went to last night. You were probably excited and very engaged in the conversation, so that the words came out easily, almost requiring no thinking at all. You didn't need to think about what to say beforehand or rehearse your lines. If you train yourself to talk about your work as if you were talking about any other interesting subject, then your presentations, client pitches, or even just informal conversations will start feeling like a natural part of your daily life, rather than isolated occurrences that you need to stress out about and specially prepare for.

2. Develop meaningful relationships at work. Many people strictly adhere to the rule that friends only exist outside of work. Although this is often good advice to follow, this doesn't mean that you should neglect building strong relationships with your co-workers. Your life contains many different types of relationships: family, friends (any many subsets of friends), lovers, to name a few. Your relationship with your co-workers is a special type of relationship that is just as important to nurture as any of your other relationships. Just because you wouldn't go out and party with your co-workers, or confide in them your deepest, darkest secrets, doesn't mean that they are unimportant. Working on developing camaraderie and working friendships in the workplace will not only make you more successful, but make work a meaningful place where you'll look forward to being each day.

3. Allow yourself to think about work after hours. While it is important to set aside time each day to unwind and put your mind out of work, you don't need to force yourself to completely block off work after hours. Keep an open mind and treat your work as an endeavor that can be continuously fostered and improved upon. Perhaps you will come across an article while browsing the Internet that may come in handy the next day, or maybe a casual conversation will give you some valuable insight for a current project you are working on. Giving yourself the freedom and flexibility to think and ponder a bit about work, without the daytime pressure of having to meet deadlines, may allow you to come up with creative solutions or ideas that you might otherwise have missed.

In summary, work-life balance is not just about allocating the right amount of time to each (because from a time standpoint work will always win!). Rather, it is about achieving a harmonious blend of the two, so that you can go about life seamlessly, and enjoyably, transitioning from one to the other.

Life's Tool Belt

I once had a professor who liked to compare a skill set to a tool belt that you wear around your waist. As you acquire more skills and knowledge through classes, work, and other life experiences, an increasing number of tools get added to your belt. As you go through life, your tool belt is always with you and whenever needed, you can reach into it to grab the tool that the moment calls for.

A tool belt is a great analogy for several reasons. First, it captures the fact that skills can be both gained and lost, similar to how tools can be added or removed from your tool belt. Like tools, skills must be continuously honed and sharpened in order to keep in good condition. If you neglect a certain skill for a long period of time, it will begin to rust. Secondly, it is important to know when and how to apply each skill, just as you must know when to use a screwdriver rather than a wrench.

One of the most striking similarities is the fact that skills are only meaningful if they serve a purpose. For example, knowing how to loosen and tighten a screw with a screwdriver is useful, but what makes this skill truly valuable is the ability to build or fix an object, whether it is a piece of furniture or a toy. This is especially important to keep in mind when job searching. Often, when employers post job descriptions for open positions, they tend to list numerous, very specific skill requirements. In today's competitive market, these requirements have only gotten longer and longer. However, before you dive in trying to acquire or improve these skills, it is important to take a step back and think about what these companies are really looking for. For example, a position that requires in-depth knowledge of programming implies that the company is looking for someone who can built high quality, innovative pieces of software that customers will want to buy. What's crucial here is not only knowing how to program, but to be able to use this skill to create successful products.

In summary, skills are only a means, not an end. Skills should be learned and developed with a purpose (or several) in mind that looks beyond just the skill itself. Of course, you may not always know exactly what you will do with a skill as you are learning it, but it is important to think about the possible applications of the skill. After all, the tools sitting in your tool belt are of little use unless you can use them to build extraordinary things.