I recently read the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a
World that Can't Stop Talking", by Susan Cain. As a definite introvert who
has come across only too many situations where I wished I were just a little
more extroverted, it was not only encouraging to learn about the advantages of
being introverted, but also eye-opening to see just how complex and fascinating
human nature really is.
Cain starts out by explaining how the
"Extrovert Ideal" came to be, and how it has made such a dominant footprint
in our culture. She then goes on to talk about the biologic differences between
introverts and extroverts. Following this, Cain analyzes how the unique
strengths of introverts may be advantageous in certain situations and actually
allow them to excel. She then dives into how introversion is regarded differently
among cultures, especially Asian cultures. In the final chapters of the book,
Cain discusses situations in which introverts may act more extroverted, as well
as offers advice on how people, especially couples, of the opposite type may
learn to understand each other better. Throughout the book, Cain cites the results
of various research studies and refers to real life quotes to help
illustrate her points.
Here are a few of the most memorable
takeaways from the book:
- Despite the cultural tendency towards
the 'Extrovert Ideal", introversion should not be considered a weakness.
Rather, introverts just have a different way of communicating and socializing
with others. Even more, introverts have proven to be even more successful than
extroverts in certain situations which require leadership and teamwork.
- Studies have shown that there is an
underlying biologic difference between introverts and extroverts. For instance,
introverts tend to have a "fight or flight" response that is easily
triggered, so they may choose not to seek out situations that would result in over-stimulation.
The two types also react to dopamine differently, as extroverts tend to get "high" from dopamine more easily and will actively seek out dopamine-releasing activities.
-Introversion and shyness are two different
traits, even though they often come hand in hand. Shyness is the fear of social
situations, especially fear of disapproval from others. Introverts aren't necessarily
afraid of social situations; they may just enjoy them in a different way than extroverts
do.
-Introverts may become "pseudo-extroverts"
by will through a process called self-monitoring. High self-monitors are able
to adapt their behavior to the situation at hand, even if the behavior is outside
of what they normally do. This is the mechanism with which some introverts are
able to take on and succeed in jobs which call for a more extroverted
personality. It is a skill that can be learned and practiced.
The book ends by leaving us with a
somewhat unresolved question: Is it ethical for introverts to act like someone
else in certain situations, or should introverts stay true to themselves at all
times?
I don't see anything wrong with introverts
taking on a more extroverted role in situations where doing so would add value,
help others, or allow them to pursue something they believe in. For example,
when working in a team and a potentially catastrophic flaw is detected, it
would definitely be important to speak up and communicate your ideas
assertively. Or, in a situation where a friend or family member needs sympathy,
it would do well to step out of your comfort zone and show your feelings a bit
more than you are used to.
When should an introvert not have to step
out of his comfort zone? Simply put, in situations where it is not necessary.
For example, if an introvert enjoys spending Friday nights curled up on the
couch with a book, there is no reason that he should be forced on go to a rowdy
night club or made to feel guilty for not going. The bottom line is,
introverts should stretch themselves when necessary but stay true to their
inner self, letting their quiet strengths shine through.
